Magic: Hello, is this the cat protection emergency helpline...?
Helpline: Yes, it is caller, what's the nature of your emergency?
Magic: Oh, thank furry God's, you really need to help me. I'm being abused and was even sold to aliens for testing. You need to come and take away my human. She's really gone feral and I need protection.
Helpline: This sounds very serious, tell me what's happened?
Magic: Well it started last year. My human's been torturing me with needles, stabbing my ears and neck morning, noon and night, and she even lets a vet lady hurt me too. Then she abducted me, stuffed me in a bag and took me on a big red and grey craft and we travelled for hours and hours and hours.
Helpline: Where was this?
Magic: I think it was called Arvy Cee. At least I think that's what its called but its hard to make out what the human says. She talks funny and I can only understand certain words. I think her miaow is broken or something.
......and when I wouldn't wear it she made the boy cat try it on.
We both tried doing sad, disappointed faces but it didn't stop her. You need to send help!