Thursday, 16 April 2015

Mad as a Hatter

After all that has happened to Magic over the last year I could quite imagine the following conversation taking place, if only she could speak and use a phone....

Magic: Hello, is this the cat protection emergency helpline...?

Helpline: Yes, it is caller, what's the nature of your emergency?

Magic: Oh, thank furry God's, you really need to help me. I'm being abused and was even sold to aliens for testing. You need to come and take away my human. She's really gone feral and I need protection.

Helpline: This sounds very serious, tell me what's happened?

Magic: Well it started last year. My human's been torturing me with needles, stabbing my ears and neck morning, noon and night, and she even lets a vet lady hurt me too. Then she abducted me, stuffed me in a bag and took me on a big red and grey craft and we travelled for hours and hours and hours.
We landed on another planet called Lund-din and then she took me to a place where they carried out even worse torture.

Helpline: Where was this?

Magic: I think it was called Arvy Cee. At least I think that's what its called but its hard to make out what the human says. She talks funny and I can only understand certain words. I think her miaow is broken or something.
Anyway this Arvy Cee was full of people wearing purple and navy scrubs and they did the most unimaginable things. They stuck probes everywhere, they stole my furs and my blood and then they sucked out some of my brain through my mouth.......! *sobbing*  My human must have had an attack of conscience as she came back, paid a big ransom fee and took me on the big red and grey craft again. I was all wobbly and damaged and my head felt really strange and I'd no fur up top or round my tummy and paws either. But that's not the worst of it. When we got home she.......MADE ME A HAT......!.....
......and when I wouldn't wear it she made the boy cat try it on.
We both tried doing sad, disappointed faces but it didn't stop her. You need to send help!
 Helpline: Right that's it, I'm sending round the human police, the cat protection officers and someone from the style police as your human has definitely gone feral! Now does she bite or scratch.....?


  1. Magic, you could try doping the human with works for us. Give ours some wine and they go all calm and sleepy.
    The REAL Maple Syrup Mob xxxxx

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  2. It is really scary when humans go feral! I wonder if there is a cure?

  3. Magic, I suggest you join Austin the cat's union then you will get compensated for having to wear hats like my cats do.

  4. OMC! You have had a lot of scary things happen to you, but the hat sounds the scariest.

  5. Talk about adding insult to injury. How pitiful your human is.

  6. You were made to wear a hat - that must have been very scary for you!
    Luv Hannah and Lucy xx xx

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